"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived … I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."
| Henry David Thoreau "Life in the woods" |
一个人受到挫折，或多或少会找个借口掩饰自己。
《东邪西毒》经典对白
People start asking whether do I call home lately. I wanted to but somehow I failed to do so. Am I such an unfeeling bastard? It's not a matter of the fear of being called a sissy in their terms. I know we cannot choose who we are, who our parent are, the kind of upbringing I have but I just don't feel like doing it. We are who we choose to be and we have a choice? I don't really think so. There's a part of me that defy everything that is conventional. I'm just so sick of keeping up with appearances. Pple who matter so little in your social life can be so influential other aspects of your life. It's so tiring having to conform...
People who should matter to u like friends, family , why didn't I do something for them ? Am I a bastard who takes and never gives? I do understand that parents even though they say they dun wan u to call, but in fact they do hope tat u will call.They are the ones who will still feel responsible for your life , no matter how much you dun wan them to.
I guess there's a loner instinct in me. There's something evil in me which I can't get rid of. That's why every relationship I had ends badly (bitterly). Sometimes I've been wondering why dun u pple just leave me alone!
Have been feeling sulky lately. I feel trapped right now. I'm beginning to doubt my job, my abilities and my relationship with people. Why does things still come in full circle even after I realise my mistake?
Why can't I be like so and so ? Why can't u just be a little more "NORMAL" ? Why do u have to contradict whatever pple are doing? Why are u such a pain in the ass? I think you are not man enuff WTF! Who are you to tell me what to do ? I have failed to make it as an ideal BF ,I dun have a girl fren , so WHAT? Am I destined to be condemned for the rest of my life ? How can I be picky when I simply dun meet their standards?
I wanted to change jobs but just can't seem to get out of my inertia to do so. Am I afraid of losing out ? Am I getting old to try new things ? That's the main reason why I feel so trapped. I'm just not going anywhere in my life now. All the glamour that I'm enjoying in my worklife is just so superficial I dun relli learn anything at all. No wonder I'm not promoted. No significant contribution.
I'm really not in the mood for jokes. Learning a new language seems so easy for them. It's a downward spiral here. Having wisdom is such a painful experience. you see things differently from other people. You tend to see the ugly side of people which could be quite disappointing at times. I guess there are things we tink we understand but actually we dun and we refuse to do the right things which is why we all felt so miserable in our lives.
Most of the blogs that I've come across are mainly complaining about life. With so many unhappy souls around why should I be sad ? It's normal to feel that way. Life is a series of struggles. People will always try to fall back on something when everything else fails. Do I have anything like tat ? No. I have no religion to speak of , no close friends nothing, I'm not even close to my family. Seeking self-completion is my ultimate goal in life but do I relli have to do it at the expense of others. I have so many doubts now. What should I do ?
能因你伤心而快乐的人是敌人，
能因你快乐而快乐的人是朋友。
这样的人才值得你放在心上。。。
Found a place that teaches Korean for free. I guess I will have to adapt to their culture somehow. At least there's something to do on saturdays. I have been training on Wednesdays and Fridays now at Sang Rok TKD Academy http://www.sangrokgym.com. Hopefully I can achieve my objectives of improving my TKD skills, learn Korean and analysis skills here. I'll definitely make it!
